Going to turn this frown upside down. Life is moving on with or without me. Jumping on that train.
I don’t give a crap about the holidays anymore. So much else in the way. Ugh.
I Watch myself change. And watch others change. And hope the changes make sense. Eventually spinning in circles turns to fun. or nausea. Waiting to see.
— Arthur Schopenhauer
“Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it’s a big part, and sometimes it isn’t, but either way, it’s a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you’re alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another.”
~ Jim Butcher
I wish deciding who to keep in your life was as easy as cleaning out your closet. But unfortunately, clothes do not have feelings. or an emotional past with you. However, both are chosen by what makes you feel good.
This type of thought is naturally fueled by a separation that is seeming to linger as long as the stench of microwaved pigs feet. (What’s up 2523)
A year ago I was so upset of a breakup. A guy didn’t want me and I couldn’t comprehend this. (He wouldn’t let me fix him-and that is the only thing I had my eye on. I also might have gone off the deep end when finding out he didn’t want to be fixed) I couldn’t sleep at night or do anything that didn’t remind me of him. I go weeks now without him even crossing my mind and almost feel guilty about this. I wonder how much HE meant to me. I wonder if I wasted his time just trying to be a shrink.
Now, I think that I don’t want someone in my life in any matter of the word, but I can’t place a reason on why I haven’t just done it. I realize how easy my life would have been if I had stuck to this same thought in February, but I always seem to think that people are great and make decisions based on pictures and memories I stumble upon on my iphone.
Having an easier year would have been the easy way out. and with no shame now, I can say that I wish I had taken it. Things only hurt worse as months went on.
What makes you care about people when they offer you nothing good? What makes you care about people when they not only offer you nothing good, but in addition, they hurt your self-image, give you things that are irreversible, hurt multiple people at once, but worst of all, take actions that knowingly hurt you? Those aren’t the people anyone desire to have in their life, but those are the people you go back to over and over when you forget what it is like to be with someone who makes you feel amazing. every. single. day. Those are the people you go to when they make you forget that you can make yourself feel good. Those are the people who know how to convince you that they are good for you. Those are the people who know what they are doing.
I’ve never understood someone so well.
I am very indifferent to every person I meet now. That is the worst part of it all.
Maybe at some point, every woman needs to eat ice cream in her bed, snuggle up with her pup, and cry for a few days before embarking on a new season in her life. That, in turn, makes everything else seem just a little bit more beautiful.
I’ve always had a thing about trying to fix people. Strangely, this does not apply, so I am out of ideas as to why I haven’t vanished.
The only emotion I feel is sad.